Two Months of Fatherhood-Lessons Learned

Since Rachel will post all the intricate details of the past two months, I thought I would get back into the mix by posting a few lessons I’ve learned since Gianna has been born. Here goes:

Be attentive to your child. The things I’ve gotten to experience playing with or holding Gianna I will keep with me the rest of my life. The smiles, laughs and funny noises are worth a million times more than any distraction you could choose. This does not apply to tired mothers who need a break at the end of the day, you are excused.

Experience more, read less. Ok, full disclosure, I didn’t read a lot of baby books, and Rachel did read a fair amount, so if there truly is a lack of knowledge she usually supplies it. But what I do mean by that statement is that Gianna is not from a textbook. She is a living, breathing person with her own personality. We learn what she wants, needs, and likes by paying attention to her, not by comparing her cries to a page in a book. And reading too much can lead to more confusion and less peace about raising your baby. You might overwhelm yourself by reading about all the things that can go wrong or something like that. In the end 90% of what you read will never actually happen to your baby, and whatever does happen you will use your common sense to solve.

It’s very, very hard not to be selfish. For example, there was a period of a few weeks after Gianna was born where I would sleep in the guest room, to avoid being woken up in the middle of the night. My reasoning was that I needed to get a decent sleep so I could be fresh for work, and there was no purpose in me getting woken up as Rachel was the only one who could feed Gianna. In the end though, it was just a hidden sort of selfishness. Do I need sleep for work? Yes. But is it better to be woken up a few times if it means getting to sleep next to your wife and not leave her alone during the one time of day she doesn’t have to hold the baby? Definitely yes. I learned my lesson and am back in our room again. Not being selfish for stay at home mothers happens more naturally, since they are forced to die to themselves very radically. But for fathers it can be easy to escape. The only remedy is prayer and a concerted effort to be more of a servant to your very tired wife.

Don’t get angry at a baby. It’s funny how the thought of being angry at a baby sounds so foolish and almost cruel objectively, but when they’ve been screaming and you don’t know what to do at that moment and you’re tired, you might succumb to the feeling. Realizing that they only cry because something is wrong (babies don’t know how to manipulate despite what you may hear), will get rid of that feeling.

Hold babies as much as you can. Babies love to be held and it’s very good for them.

Babies are constant sources of entertainment. They pee all over you as you try to put them in the tub. They fart at the best possible times. They make faces that you just want to copy over and over. They laugh at random things. They stare at bright lights like they were beatific visions. They put themselves in the most strange and impossible looking positions. Tonight, during Gianna’s “witching hour”, Rachel tried to calm her down by sitting Gianna up on her lap and talking to her. Right as Rachel said “Let’s have a conversation, does that sound good?” Gianna projectile vomited right into Rachel’s open mouth. I just about fell on the floor I laughed so loud. I would rather watch Gianna than any movie or TV show.

Fatherhood is awesome! I wouldn’t trade it for anything. It is the greatest thing I’ve ever experienced and I know in my heart it’s what I was meant to do.